Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
