I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
