Kiss
Puke
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
