Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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