oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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