I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
