moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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