I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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