if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
