weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
