I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
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