he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
where are you?
Hypothermia
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
There's always time for handjobs
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
