forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
