Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
