I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
