i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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