Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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