I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
