nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
