STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize