i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
