we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
he shaved USA in his pubs
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
