Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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