I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
my liver is dry heaving
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
