I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
