Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
