dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
