Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
