If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
