eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize
