Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Screwed.edu
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
