If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize