Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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