hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
