dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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