how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Randomize
