Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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