If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
