My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
