You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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