i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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