look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
