P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
