Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
