Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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