she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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