Please, let me fuck your mom
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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