he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
