question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize