I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
