There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
