is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
