I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
