I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
