Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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