You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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