he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
