Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
