It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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