I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
