I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Your tits are I can't wait for
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Randomize
