why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
