have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
