I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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