Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
it's great music for shaving your balls
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Randomize
