she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
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